You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
