yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
