He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
