i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize