Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
