Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
