I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
