I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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