i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
