Please, let me fuck your mom
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
