she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You may now shotgun with the bride
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
