if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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