Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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