There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, beer. Big fan.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize