hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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