im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
