i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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