I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
