I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
