Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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