I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize