halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just invented taco cereal.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
