so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
