who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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