Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
