why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
