I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
