I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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