I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
