You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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