I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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