nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
