writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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