Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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