I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
