You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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