do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
