As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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