We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
