So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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