i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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