Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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