She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
