We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it because I queefed?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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