toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Damn victory sex feels great
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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