My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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