She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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