Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
