Buhtt sex?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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