ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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