I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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