Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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