its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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