we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
