Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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