This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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