How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
