I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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