I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
