First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
MIDGETS
????
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
