She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
