I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
