If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
