Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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