I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
