I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
