While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
