A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
