I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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